Red Shirt
by Kilrez
Summary: Often the aliens that kidnap us and perform strange experiments can be human shaped… This one has a mad scientist in it kiddies. Also a large helping of sop.


Disclaimer: round and round the mulberry bush. Lawyers can go suck on some sort of citrus fruit. It's pretty clear that writing this isn't a plot for world domination, so leave me be.

* * *

Inara and Mal were engaged in an amiable argument as they strolled down a back alley on the way back to _Serenity. _The last few runs had been rich for the captain, and now Inara was pestering him to consider setting down on a decent planet for once. Mal was fully planning on giving in to her eventually- he was in a good mood- but in the meantime it was enjoyable to tease her.

He was enjoying himself too much apparently. In the next moment a black cloth hood was pulled sharply down over his head. He heard Inara's cry, and lunged against the large goons that now had a hold on his arms. There was scuffling to his right as he silently fought with all his might against his attackers, but they seemed to be strong, and he couldn't see them. A blow to his head made his ears ring, and little lights dance across the darkness in his head.

Mal sunk to his knees, struggling to stay conscious as he heard a thump next to him that made his heart sink. It was the sound of an unconscious body hitting the ground. He struggled weakly as his hands were bound behind his back with rope. When they had succeeded in that he was forced to his feet and marched forwards. He heard a coarse voice behind him ordering someone to pick Inara up as he was herded along.

A moment later he was stopped, and an engine in front of him was started up. In a last ditch effort, he threw all his weight against the person to the left of him. They stumbled, but there was another one to the right that kept a hold on him. Quickly he was once more being held tightly, and made to climb into the back of some sort of vehicle. He felt Inara's warm body being tossed in next to him and then a cold needle stabbed into his neck. The world tilted on one side and he passed out.

…

…

'Where's my cow' mumbled Mal as he came to. Lying still for a moment he registered the hard floor he was lying on and instantly snapped awake. His motor skills didn't comply as quickly, and upon sitting up he nearly collapsed again. Waiting until the little chirping birdies cleared, he carefully looked around. Inara was lying about two feet away; it looked as though they had both just been carelessly dumped on the floor.

Where they were was in some kind of cage. Mal bristled at the confinement. It was made of a fine grid, and was about six foot in each direction. It was also in the placed in the corner of something resembling _Serenity's _infirmary. Only bigger, and with more nasty looking surgical instruments. Groaning, Mal crawled over to Inara and flopped down next to her, not feeling entirely well enough to keep himself upright.

'Inara?' he asked, reaching out a hand to shake her gently. She flopped limply. A bruise was beginning to appear on her forehead.

'Inara honey. Please wake up.' The captain was beginning to feel more than a little uneasy about their situation, and it would have made him feel a lot better if the companion was awake so he could start thinking about getting out.

Their captor, unfortunately, didn't give him the time. A ruffled looking man wandered into the room, and, upon seeing Mal awake and watching him, crossed to the cage. Not wanting to be at the disadvantage, the captain struggled to his feet and stood facing of against the other man, eyeing him though the bars.

Neither spoke immediately. Mal was sizing up their captor, whilst the other man seemed to be looking Mal up and down as though he was a useful animal of some sort.

'What do you want with us?' growled Reynolds after a moment.

'I want… to make history.'

'Well isn't that lovely. I asked what you want with us?'

'You'll see. Now, I ask that you refrain from attacking me when I open this door.'

'Can you think of any reason why I shouldn't?' In response, their captor dreamily pulled out a small black handgun. Almost idly he trained it on the still unconscious companion and looked at Mal with his head tilted on one side. Mal clenched his jaw and stepped back so the man could open the cage door.

'Forward please' said the man, indicating with his gun. The captain complied, stepping out of the confinement and allowing the rumpled man to shut and lock the door on Inara. He was then directed to lie on a metal operating table complete with arm and leg restraints. Had the captain been thinking clearly, he may have protested at this point, but the drug that had knocked him out had left him muzzy, and even walking was a struggle.

Lying down, he very nearly fell asleep again, and the feel of solid straps being tightened against his limbs only just managed to snap him out of it. To late, a panic hit and he bucked against the restraints, to discover that they were about as moveable as a brick wall.

'Please calm down sir. You should be pleased. What you are about to undergo will be for the good of mankind.'

'I prefer things to be for the good of me.' Ground out Mal, turning his head to glare at the small man. He had his back facing the captain, but when he turned around, the syringe filled with green liquid prompted a new set of struggling.

'Don't worry; I've ironed out most of the side effects.' So saying, the needle was slid smoothly into his arm, it's contents emptied into his vein. Mal screamed, bellowing with all his might in the hopes of someone hearing him, in the hopes of someone coming and stopping this evil maniac.

Eventually he ran out of breath. As he paused to gasp in more air, he was calmly informed that the room was sound proof. Refining his carefully considered plans for escape, Mal curtailed the next scream and continued to glare.

'Thankyou, that's so much more peaceful. It's not that I blame you for screaming, but were not even at the bad bit yet. Besides, it helps my concentration if you're quiet.'

'Then maybe I should keep screaming'

The man nodded thoughtfully, almost as though agreeing, and began hooking the captain up to various medical monitors, finally beginning to explain distractedly. 'Not if you don't want me to slice something I shouldn't. You see; I'm testing some new drugs I've just developed. They play with sensory and motor neurons. The goons I hired injected the fine lady over there with the cocktail that takes out all motor ability. The real trick was making it so it didn't stop breathing… anyway, she's awake you know; she just can't move to prove it. You'll be helping with the pain sensory blocker, and to make sure it's working, I'm going to remove your appendix.'

Mal's eye's widened, but this time he managed to stay calm. Whatever the new drug was doing, the old one was wearing off, and the muzziness clearing. His rational thoughts began to come into play, and they told him firmly that he had been in worse than this and gotten out of them too.

'You got a problem,' he pointed out casually. His captor raised an eyebrow. 'And what might that be?'

'That 'fine lady' is a companion. Meaning if she goes missing, there will be a planet wide search to locate her.'

'Oh that,' came the reply, accompanied by a dismissive hand movement. 'I assure you, my operation is untraceable'

'Glad that's cleared up then' muttered Mal, furiously searching for other ways around this in his head. He hardly even saw the scalpel blade as it suddenly scythed in a flashing arc towards his midsection. He gave a yelp, but stopped and breathed a sigh of relief when he realised it had missed him. Then he raised his head, and saw the darker stain spreading across his red shirt, which now had a neat slash in it.

'Ta dae ma' he swore.

'Interesting, isn't it?'

'No! That's my gorram stomach you're slashing.'

'But you can't feel it.' This was pointed out to him calmly and rationally as the would-be surgeon undid the buttons on his shirt to expose what he wanted to get to. 'Aren't doctors meant to take some sort of oath against this sort of thing?' asked Mal desperately.

'Oh, I'm not a doctor.' Came the reply. The captain's struggles became markedly more intense. 'Don't worry, I've read a text book on this.'

So saying, he made an incision in Mal's midsection, and began to operate. It was true that there was absolutely no pain, but he could still feel the pressure of the cuts, and the way the scalpel blade was a little bit colder than he was. And then there was the sight of it. It wasn't that the captain had never seen innards before; it was more that they had never been his innards. He had a particular objection to seeing his own.

It seemed to take hours, and yet if asked later; Mal would not have been able to remember a single thing about it. He still managed to keep from retching until he was being sown up though.

'Right, we're done. Thankyou very much for your help.'

'You're…psychotic' Mal wheezed, trying not to start heaving again.

'It's a fine line between genius and madness,' he paused and his tone turned much more professional. 'The drug will wear off in about two hours. This is just something to stop you making a fuss until them'

'I…suppose… if…. I,' Mal gulped and tried again, 'if I promise to be nice and quiet, could you possibly not stick that in my arm.'

'Hmm, no' once again a syringe was slid smoothly into the captain's vein. Almost immediately the world began to tilt from side to side, and Mal allowed his head to sink back and eyes to close. Seeing that he was asleep, his captor began to undo the restraints so he could move him back into the cage. He was surprised when a doped man surged upwards with the force of an avalanche.

Mal wasn't fighting at his best, but the small man was a science geek, with the muscles to match. One solid punch and he was down, and Mal woozily heaved him up onto the table to tie him down. Then the drugs took over and he decided he was just going to lie on the floor for a while.

…

…

When he woke up, it was difficult to tell how much time had passed. Moving gave him some indication. Blinding pain seared through his abdomen, and all he could do was gasp. It abated eventually, but only slightly. It was enough; the captain had known pain before. Lying on his back, he did his shirt up, trying not to feel the lumps the stiches made under his fingers.

Carefully rising he realised that the freakish little man was now awake, and looking slightly less in control now he was the one tied to a table. Mal's eye twitched and he picked up the still bloody scalpel, holding it so tightly his hand shook.

'You really don't want to kill me' reasoned his captive desperately, looking wildly from side to side for rescue.

'No, I really think I do'

'But I'm the only one who can tell you how to wake her up.'

'Perhaps. I'm more looking for the way out of here.'

'Fine, fine, anything you say. That door there leads out into a corridor, and you just got to follow that all the way along, and the door at the end will come out not far from where the thugs grabbed you.'

'And the key to the cage?'

'Right there, on that bench.'

Mal smiled a humourless smile. The man in the restraints was quivering now. The captain cast his eyes over the array of instruments that had been used on him, and discarding the scalpel, picked up a more appropriate blade. Without ceremony, he plunged it into the man's gut, round about where his appendix would have been.

Turning his back on the screams, he grabbed up the key to the cage and opened it. Inara was still lying, unmoving, inside. Grunting in pain, he picked her up, holding her to his chest and backing out of the cage. The man was still howling in agony. Mal didn't feel much better. An old, familiar feeling of blood seeping through clothing revisited him. Gritting his teeth, he ignored it, and kicked open the door out of the lab.

True to the crazy scientist's word, the corridor did indeed lead into a familiar street. Problem was, it was a long way from the docks where _Serenity _was parked. At least in the dirty bustle of the trading town a staggering man carrying a seemingly unconscious woman didn't stand out too much and even if someone noticed him, in this lawless place, few would step in.

Taking shallow breaths, Mal tried not to think about the miles he had to walk, and took the first step. Then another one.

Progress was slow. The phrase 'tunnel vision' took on a new kind of meaning for the captain. One thing, and one thing only became his purpose. The duty streets, the gradually thinning crowds, the stiches that popped one by one, even the warm body in his arms became an irrelevant background. Each step was a mammoth effort, but letting himself stop was equally impossible. 'We're gonna get back to _Serenity _and then it'll all be good,' he murmured to the body in his arms, reassuring her, or reminding himself, he wasn't sure.

Nearing the docks, it began to get busier again, but people mostly walked around him. He was walking with his head down, so reaching _Serenity's _berth came as a slight shock. Gathering himself, he straightened slightly and made his way up the ramp.

Kaylee and the doctor were sitting up on one of the catwalks, talking quietly, with worry in their actions. Kaylee heard Mal's foot falls and looked down. Her expression when she saw him, carrying an unconscious Inara, would have been funny, if Mal had been in the mood.

'Cap'n' she nearly yelled, joy in her voice. She was up like a shot, Simon not so far behind.

'What happened? Is Inara all right? The others went out to find you, Wash's here though and River's sleeping in her room. We should take her into the infirmary. Simon is she OK?' Kaylee turned from one man to the other, her rapid fire speech reaching Mal's tuned out ears as incoherent rambling. He just nodded. Simon indicated that he should carry Inara into the infirmary, as glad about the captain's return as Kaylee, but showing more restraint.

They put Inara on the table in the infirmary. Wash quickly appeared, having already radioed everyone else to get them back to the ship after he was told by Kaylee about the captain's return. He fluttered anxiously at the foot of the table as Simon began to check up what was wrong with Inara. Mal stood at her shoulder, working on last reserves to tell the doctor what had happened.

'There was a crazy man. Tell you 'bout him later, but he said that he was testing a new type'a drug. Meant to knock out motor thingies'

Simon frowned for a moment, then meaning dawned, and he sighed in relief. 'Oh, she'll be fine. There's a pretty standard antidote to this sort of thing. I'm more worried about this blood on her.'

'Oh thas OK. Ish mine' slurred Mal, then fainted. Kaylee's hands flew to her mouth as they all realised that Inara wasn't the only one who was damaged.

Rushing around to Mal's side of the table, Simon crouched down next to him, quickly finding the source of the problem. 'HOE-tze duh  
PEE-goo…! His shirt's red. It's why we didn't see all the blood.'

Carefully, the doc pinched a bit of the sodden fabric and lifted it away from the captain's skin. It pulled away with a wet sucking sound. 'It's soaked through' muttered Wash, sounding vaguely sick. Kaylee didn't say anything at all. When Simon cut the shirt off after moving the captain onto the other infirmary bed, she had to look away from the mess of his abdomen. The stiches, not too well done to start with, had pulled out with his journey, leaving the wound gaping. The first testing slash had been left as was, and seeped blood still. The only thing keeping his intestines in had been his shirt, and Inara held against his body.

His inner surgeon taking over, Simon calmly reached for the tools of his trade, doping Mal just to make sure he wouldn't wake up half-way through. As he worked, he directed Wash to get a certain drug out of one of the cupboards and give it to Inara. She awoke with a gasp, looking around to get her bearings.

'Mal' she uttered, seconds later.

'He's fine' Wash assured her quickly. He had been given the job of watching her while Simon operated beside them. Kaylee stood between the two beds, watching both anxiously.

Inara shook her head vaguely, sitting up.

'Uh, maybe you should lie down, till the rest of the drug wears off.'

'I've been lying down for hours, doing nothing more than listening' she snapped at him, he raised his hands defensively and allowed her to slide off the table. 'You OK 'Nara?' asked Kaylee. 'I'm fine mei-mei' replied Inara, more softly, sparing Kaylee a smile. She stepped up to stand next to Simon, who was concentrating hard on his task. Wash joined her.

The mess of Mal's stomach made her grimace. She had heard everything, but even the gruesome sounds of the original surgery could not have conveyed what she saw before her now. 'Chiang-BAO HOE-tze duh son of a… Mal.' Wash was equally appalled. Kaylee didn't even want to look.

Simon had finished and was setting Wash up for a blood transfusion by the time all of the others returned. He explained to them that apart from blood loss, Mal's injuries weren't too bad, but he would be off his feet for a while. Didn't stop Jayne immediately arming up to head out and attempting to get the bastard's address out of Inara.

She was sitting on the edge of the free infirmary bed, arms crossed over her torso, looking more worn down than any of the others had ever seen her. She just shook her head when Jayne asked her, and Simon took the hint and shooed them all (save for Wash and Inara) out.

'Do you want help back to your shuttle?' he asked her carefully once the infirmary fell quiet, understanding how traumatic experiences could take it out of people. She shook her head. 'I'll stay here' she told him, her voice sounding stronger than she looked. Simon looked doubtful, but didn't push it, stepping out of the infirmary with a parting 'call me if he wakes.'

Inara was left alone with Wash and the unconscious Mal. Wash knew her better than to try to strike up a conversation at that moment, so they each sat in their own reflective silences.

…

…

By the time the captain awoke, Wash was gone, leaving Inara, steadfastly keeping vigil. 'Wassat now?' he blearily asked the world in general. Inara's heart rose and the sound, but all she said was 'you're back on _Serenity._'

'That's good' he mumbled, blinking several times to clear his vision as he looked at Inara. 'You're pretty' he told her after a moment's pause.

'I'm going to assume that was the drugs talking.'

'Probably.'

Another pause. 'Mal, you're an idiot.'

He frowned in foggy confusion, so she explained. 'You didn't have to carry me all the way back here. You could have just left me there and come to tell the others where I was.'

'You're not that heavy.'

'You pulled out every single one of the stitches on the way back... Do you kill him?'

'Nah, I just gave him a quicker version of what he did to me. We can tell the appropriate authorities about his little experiments once we're far enough out. Thought you were all awake like?'

'Yes, but all I could hear was a lot of screaming.'

Mal laughed softly. He was still smiling as his eyes began to droop closed. 'I'll go get Simon' offered Inara. 'Leave him, I'm fine' he told her. She paused for a moment then acquiesced and returned to her seat, to watch over him while he slept.

The End


End file.
